Binges and Rantings Toward a New Beginning

I haz them...eating, spending, internet...You name it and I am doing it in excess. The only things I have not picked back up would be smoking and drinking. I figure they might do more harm to my family than I am willing to inflict.

I have gone to stores and spent money on things that I really don't need. I have been eating with wild abandon. I am on the internet nonstop when I am not changing the little girl or taking care of some other need of hers. I actually cannot wait to get back to the computer so I can check facebook or any other random board I happen to be on at the time.

There are many things that I could randomly rant about right now but I think that would be really boring for anyone reading. Things like...

• I am going on vacation in June and I am fat, fat, fat. I don't really want to go since it is with 2 other families. I have resigned myself to some good books and time with my daughter. Hubby will likely be dragged out with the boys.
• Clothing...I hate it. I wear nothing but jeans since I have nothing that fits. I refuse to buy anything since I will lose. I don't look professional and it makes me sad.
• I have no energy.
• I coteach and there are things happening in other classrooms that I think are not in best practice. (ie not enough structure, no clear plans or direction, and not enough variety in instruction.) Problem is how can I be critical of other classrooms when I am not performing up to par in my own room. I would not want me as my child's teacher in my current state.
• I am behind on everything and I feel totally disorganized.
• I feel like I am unhappy right now and in a funk but I am having trouble pulling myself out of it. I want a bigger house and I feel closed in here.
• I am miserable about my weight and the funk I am in so I eat to cope.

Okay enough of that. I bet you were wondering if it would ever end.

On Wednesday I chatted with a friend that happened to be a nutritionist. We were talking about diet and I was telling her that I have been having trouble with binge eating and new motherhood and stress. (Of course she was not amused given that the baby was sound asleep the wntire time we stood in the grocery store chatting. I have an easy baby.) She said she often does not suggest a low carb diet but it might be the kick start that I need. I have done South Beach before. The biggest problem I have is that it makes packing lunch a little more involved.

When I came home I looked at my journals and looked into the new WW filling foods thing. SO basically that is a little on the low carb side. My meals are carbs for breakfast (waffles and lite syrup), carbs for lunch in the form of a sandwich, and then a carb for dinner. HMMMMMMM...Maybe there is something to this whole limiting carbs thing. Maybe if I work on that and level out my blood sugar (my mother has type 2 diabeties as did my grandmother) I will not be as tired and run down.

SOOOOO here are the new rules for my low carb/WW diet. (I must have rules and guidelines since I feel better when there is structure.)

1. Remain within my points. If I have a little slip during the day then I need to have a salad for dinner.
2. No carbs or very limited for breakfast and lunch. Only a small serving of carbs with dinner. (no more adding extra pasta as a filler)
3. Drink a coffee in the morning, one soda at work, one with lunch, and one on the way home. have a glass of soda with dinner but otherwise all water or tea. Sodas are caff free and diet and so is the tea. Not sure if limiting carbonation makes a difference but hey why not.
4. Dinner out every other week. If I don't feel like cooking then make a simple chicken topped salad.
5. No stopping at the grocery store. One shopping trip a week!

Okay so this starts tomorrow. Wish me luck. I will be back since I am hoping that this accountability will help. I can tell you I have not wanted to come post all of this since I felt bad about it. I have been forming this post in my head for over a week.