A New 30 Day Challenge

Well the past couple of weeks have been rough for me. I was doing very well fitting in exercise then...
I got strep so I was sidelined for a bit.
Baby got a fever for 2 days so I was taking care of her.
My mother in law visited for the weekend.
Now that was all in about a week and a half to 2 week period. I planned on starting again when my mother in law left but....
I got a cold. I read about when to exercise with a cold and sure enough mine was in my chest so exercise is not really recommended. Damn it all to heck. By then I totally lost all momentum and was a little concerned about what my fake trianer on the Wii Active would say.

SO fast forward...I then had to go to outdoor ed with my sixth grade student. Totally sucked leaving my baby for the first time. I was very negative going into the whole thing and it showed. I was also being very negative in general. I took a step back and realized what I sounded like. I tried being more agreeable and it made a difference in my attitude. Then I went on the trip and had a pretty good time. I noticed a lot of negative talk while I was there and I also saw some thing that made me understand more. It was an attitude adjustment. I even took off work today to get some work done but I really did not succeed. I did however get my own house in order so that makes me feel better.

On the work thing...I need to pull back from the socializing. I never really hung out with people from work or anything but I chatted a lot during the day. I am seeing that it keeps me from getting my work done and is really not necessary. I have a friend who is very professional at work. I also have an assistant principle who is very professional. I plan to look to them as role models.

Now about WW. I had a .3 lb gain one week. Blamed it on the illness and mother in law visit. Now I have had a 2.6 lb gain. Blamed it on outdoor ed and drinking excess water (did a lot of walking and not a lot of peeing). SO now I sit on my 3rd day of my week. WI is Saturday. I went out to dinner both Saturday and Sunday night. I tracked on Sunday and was way over. I have tracked today and I just binged on Paydays that were sitting here. Why I don't know. A little stress I am thinking. I did exercise today and now tomorrow is a new day.

It is 8:15 here and it is off to bed with me. I get up around 5am and sleep should help my mood and energy. I took today off so tomorrow I go to work a little less social and more professional.

Want to Run a 5K

I hear so many people talk about running a 5K. I would like to run a 5K but I really do not want to let certain people know I am aiming toward this. For instance, I have a coworker that I have mentioned before. I think she would want to give me advice and I really don't want it. Maybe it is jealousy since she has been successful. Maybe it is the attitude that she knows what I should do when really we have very different lives. I have a child, she does not. I have to take care of my husband, hers is pretty self sufficient. I have more paperwork...yada yada yada.

I am doing the Wii Active 30 Day challenge right now and walking a few days a week. Both leave me breathless. I have missed my workout for about 3 days now since I have been sick so I need to get back on the wagon tomorrow.

I am thinking a year from now might be a good goal. I want to surprise everyone and just do it. BTW....Let's hear it for more procrastination.

I Find Myself Sitting

Celebration first. I lost 2.6 lbs this week. I am down a total of 7.something. I am so thrilled. I concentrated all my efforts this week on staying within my points. I was either under 1 or 2 or over only 1 or 2. I used some of my weekly allowance to go out to dinner on Friday night. We ordered Chicken Saltimboca (breaded chicken breast with Prosciutto ham and cheese on top) served on top of spaghetti with sauteed spinach. I took the spinach and a little spaghetti and 1 of the 3 fillets that come with this one meal. We gave the baby a fillet and ordered her a pasta. I ate a little of her pasta. Hubby had a fillet and all the spaghetti. We ordered side salads with house Italian. MMMMM....I also ate a roll. This was after all my night out and I am not depriving myself.

Onto other news. I had a UTI that I was on antibiotic for. Finished that on about Tuesday. While out to dinner on Friday night I was freezing. Sweating my tush off on Saturday morning at WW. Never did take my temperature...guess I should have. I had a sore throat from Friday night on. I went to Urgent Care on Saturday after WW. Negative strep and negative mono but based on how my throat looks they are presuming strep. The antibiotic earlier in the week could cause the negative rapid strep test. I don't feel overly horrid so that is good. This is my third bout of strep in a year. Yucky.

Now why do I find myself sitting...other than being sick? Well I just do. I have a boat load to do. I have a good little baby that takes 2 hour naps and goes to bed at 7:30. I sit and watch TV or play on the computer. I could be doing school work. I should be. I had so much time today and got nothing done. I procrastinate without realizing it now. It just happens and then the day is gone and I realize I did nothing. I did pick up the basement and clean off the counters (they had become a catch all) and I made Fiber one muffins in mini muffin tins. MMMMM one point snack.

SO now that we know I have a problem with procrastination. I will be bidding everyone good night as I go to pick up baby toys and write sub plans before bed.

Good in Theory

Using the blog to record what I ate was great in theory but very poorly executed. I can't always use it during the day and then I was spending extra time in the evening to copy from WW and put it in and then format it so it would be readable. Not an efficient use of time. So no more Daily meals blog. I will leave it up since I might come back to it.

How will I remain accountable to the internet world you ask...Well, Facebook. Granted the people that read this are not on my facebook but lots of people that I know in real life and even see daily are. I guess it was about a week ago I put 33 out of 32 at the end of my status. I had a lot of friends comment and send me messages since they knew what it was. I had a few ask about it. It just became a little habit. I would update my status before heading to bed and then add my points for the day at the end. Kinda weird but works for me.

Now to celebrate. I am down 4.6 I lost 3.6 week one and then today was down one more. My cousin has lost a total of 7. Yipppppeeeeee for her. I am excited for her. I tried a new recipe today and made an old standby that I love.

Typically I make 1/4 of this recipe and hubby and I eat it all. Now this recipe is for 2 casserole that serve 8-10 each. You do the math. I was eating about 2 servings essentially and a serving is 8 points. This time I made 1/2 of the recipe and seperated it into 4 small disposable casserole dishes as opposed to 2. We had one tonite and the rest went into the freezer. We broke open a bag of salad and had a tasty salad with dinner. It was enough but I am a little hungry now. I am also 10 points shy for the day. As I get more accustomed to making food with correct portions and not eating emotionally I think that will be a problem.

Spicy Tortilla Pizza Mexicali

So my cousin came over and we walked a mile. Whew. Let me tell you one thing. Walking when you are recovering from a cold while pushing your 1 year old in a stroller into the wind uphill will leave you winded. I was totally out of breath when I got to the top of the hill. Like gasping for breath could not really carry a conversation kinda out of breath. Good thing...I recovered very quickly, like within 5 minutes. I think that is a good sign that I am not in too bad of shape.

For dinner we had salad and a hungry girl recipe. My verdict...Not too bad. I have read a few reviews and comment on the WW boards about how she uses all processed crap and you should fix real food from cooking light or WW cookbooks. Don't eat high fructose corn syrup since it is evil. My assistant at work eats only whole foods and is very careful about processed foods and stuff with HFCS. I asked her about the recent articles on the hazard of eating too much soy...Her response. "I don't listen to those articles." My point. We each read the articles that we choose. You will choose ones to put stock in that fit with our thinking. We take from them what we need. For me, I crave mexican pizza from Taco Bell so processed or not, that is a great a recipe for me. I am okay with HFCS in moderation and I eat meat. She eats neither. I think as long as you are informed and make a choice for you and yours then that is fine.

Many people are the same way with parenting...Really people there is more than one way and not only one is right. I sometimes avoid parenting or food and health conversations with certain people because there is only one way in their mind.

I went BACK

to WW. It was not fun to see the "official" scale number but I had to do it. 251 was my starting weight for this go round. The first week I lost 3.6. Not as great as I thought it should have been being my first week back on track. I think I might have not been as on track as I thought. I am going to try and track better this week.

As for moving forward...I bought Hungry Girl 200 under 200 calories. Some of the recipes look really good and I am trying one tomorrow night. I will let you know how it is. MMMM Mexican pizza.

Just to show off

and to remind myself why I am doing all of this. My number one reason to lose weight is for my daughter. I am very careful about her eating. I serve her a veggie first and then her protein and she gets her starch last. I make sure I give her correct portions and healthy snacks. I do not want her to struggle as I have so I am working to teach her and model good eating habits. We are off to a good start

She loves her fruit. Especially watermelon.

Goals

I have written my goals and made a nice little page with pictures of Pandora beads that I will earn for meeting them. My husband has been apprised of the goals and what it will take to get there. (God help him if he continues to offer me ice cream trips and other such treats. He loves to spoil me.)

I have a blackberry and I love to get neat little program to help me. Can you say Technology Junkie? Seriously, I need a support group. I bought a program called HabitMaster. You can put your goals in and then daily you check off if you reached your goal that day. It maintains the percentage that you achieve. Neat huh? The only problem is that it is daily. I put my goals in with percentages so I know how I am doing. For instance...Exercise might only be 60% of days since I am only aiming for 4 out of 7 days minimum. I hope that makes sense.

Here they are:
Getting up on time 75% of the time (66 days) Get up within 15 minutes of the alarm
Water Consumption 72% of 60 days At least 1-32 ozbottle of water and additional liquids.
Keeping the house straight 80% of the time (130 day) Cleaning on Saturday or Sunday. Picking up clutter every evening (Hot spots-counter, front foyer)
Exercise 60% of 80 days At least 30 minutes
Stay on points for 90% of 30 days Only use 5-10 allowance points on any day for a special occasion.
Cooking dinner 72% of 90 days

I have a pandora bead attached to each of these as well as losing my 10% and reaching goal. Many would wonder why I have attached such a condition to the Stay on points on. Well...I have a bad habit...Binging or overindulging. When I do I rationalize that I can just use my allowance. There are many times when I use my entire 35 point allowance on the first or second day of my week and then I am at a lose for the remainder of the week. If I go over slightly again, I give up and start next week, blah, blah, blah. I did a lot better with a points range. I would eat at the bottom end but know I could go to the top end. Putting that condition on mirrors that.

Anyway. We are off for a fun filled day of the Wine Festival and dinner. I am taking the samples and hubby is designated driver. As a person who rarely drinks this should be interesting. I know the points will not be pretty but we are planning salads for lunch and dinner to accomodate. I can also use that 10 today.

Going back

TO MEETINGS!!!

I have to. This is just not working. Now for the story of how I decided to go back.

I have a cousin who is 10 years older than me. She has a daughter 10 years younger than me. My older cousin lost weight on WW. I have lost weight in the past on WW but I am really struggling right now. My little cousin has a good friend who is very overweight and eats out all the time. She goes with her. She was here for dinner a few night ago and asked if I would go with her to help her. She knew I had considered it but really did not like the leader in my area. I also can't bring my daughter to some meetings. I found out that not only is this a different leader but I can bring my daughter. I decided to go to support my little cousin. I want to help her since I know how she feels. What a great way to help myself, by helping someone else.

Now I have a confession. I have a coworker who has lost a great deal of weight by eating over healthy. I could never go to the extreme she has. She also evaluates my food to some degree and I find that so irritating. I also have a new assistant principal who is slim and tall and very professional looking. She makes me want to do better at my job and dress professionally (something I cannot do as fat as I am since I refuse to buy more clothes and I wear frumpy stuff now). Now...today I thought, wait a minute...I looked good when I lost weight in 2003. I can look like that again and I will...

I do really think that I will feel better, walk taller, and smile more when I lose weight. It is amazing how I know that I will feel and look better but I am struggling. SO tomorrow I go back to WW meetings. Not only do I go back but I am going back as a newbie. I am not taking my lifetime card with me. I am going to register as a newbie and start all over. The lifetime status gives me an excuse to drop out...I can always come back when I am ready and not have to pay registration, I can just weigh monthly until I am ready, I will go back when I am close to my goal so I can use the lifetime card... Not this time...I have to get it all over again.

I need a weekend wagon

Seriously. I did well all week even with going back to work. I did not eat the breakfasts (bagels and such) or lunches provided. I packed and only ate mine. On Friday I did take a little fruit but that was only a point so I figured I would enjoy it.

Last night I had a little more than I should have but my points came out on target. It is okay to have a little fun right. Today I ate out twice. Once with my mom (Chicken salad on Kaiser with chips) then with my husband (potato skins, burger, and fries). Message to the husband: STOP suggesting crap since I will not turn it down. I need to learn to control my weekends better. Now I need to go log that meal as well as the full fat huge caramel latte. Back on the horse tomorrow...Wonder what my WI will look like on Monday.

I can tell you that I had about 2 or 3 stressful events this week. One was in my personal life and the others were at work. I did not deal with them by eating. I just dealt with them. At work I did what I needed to do and at home I just made a decision and stuck to it. Really I have to treat food like smoking...Eating will not make the stress better or make it go away. It will only make me feel better for a few minutes just like smoking did. I can tell you that even after almost 3 years there are still days when I want to.

Help me find my wagon

Seriously, I fell off... This seems to be a recurring theme on the weekends. I need to figure out how to deal with my husband, I mean my weekends better. Really part of it is him. After getting the baby's once year pictures on Friday night we walked the mall. WHen we got toward Dairy Queen he says we deserve a dessert treat. I got a small Orange Julius for 3 points but I was still way over. Sunday we went to breakfast at Bob Evans with my parents. The weekends are just so unstructured and have entirely too many tempations. I might just have to stay home.

Yesterday I had a headache and the lazys so I finished off the ice cream and caramel that we had here. I think throwing it away would have been a better option. I ate pita and hummus again in an attempt to get rid of it.

Today I am renewed and out looking for my wagon. I am climbing back on. I plan on going to the grocery store today and will get some veggies and such. I go back to work on Tuesday so that will help with some routine.

No Whey

I have done well that past few days. I have eaten all of my points but I have not gone over. I have a few weekly allowance left but I am saving them for the weekend. It is only about 4.5 so it won't help too much but I really need that cushion.

I need to get back to posting my food journal even if I don't get a blog post written. I have gone straight to organizing after the baby goes to bed. All of my scrapbook stuff is organized. I need to label the bins today and then I am done. I might even try to start her scrapbook. SHe is one so I am only a little behind.

I think I mentioned being tired of eggs. I bought The Biggest Loser whey protein in vanilla flavor. I have been blending it with frozen strawberries, frozen blueberries, a couple slices of frozen banana, some splenda, and a little fat free half and half and water. Not too bad but as I found when I tried slimfast. I like to eat breakfast and not drink it. I'm probably going to buy eggs and english muffins again soon and alternate until the whey protein is gone. I might also try cottage cheese and fruit to change it up. Something that might help is getting up early enough to get both of us ready and eat breakfast not in a rush. That is hard since it will mean getting up at 5am once I go back to work. How to people do it? Ugh.

We start next week practicing getting up early. I go back to work Aug 25. Not looking forward to it. The remainder of this week is working on staying on points and cooking dinner every night. Next week is getting up by 6am and exercising daily. I am adding one thing a week. 80% or more success is my goal for each of my objectives. This is not all this week but this is where I am headed:
* Stay on points 90% of the time.
* Exercise 5 days a week. That would be about 60% for 20 out of 30 days.
* Get up on time 80% of the time.
* Pick up the house every evening at least 80% of the time.
* Clean house weekly
* Write out lesson plans for classroom

As I move into the weekend, I want to ask that everyone keep one of my students in their thoughts and prayers. She is back in the hospital with shunt problems. Her parents are faced with a couple possibilities, one being to make her comfortable. Her mom is ready for that option but her father is not. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for her parents. This young lady is 14 and has surpassed any expectations of her doctors. She was not expected to live this long and thrive as she has. She is a delightful young lady but does not have a good quality of life right now since she is in pain. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts or prayers.

I thought WRONG

We went to get the baby shoes this evening. Pictures to come later. Dinner was at Don Pablo's. Problem with taking her anywhere is that I need to get her something to eat. Usually I give her from my plate since she really cannot eat a whole kids meal. This evening I decided to be smart and get her a kids meal and I would give her the fries and I would split the entree with her. I also got myself a small salad. Not a bad idea huh. WRONG! The chicken quesadilla (which she really did enjoy part of) was a half of a regular one so 15 points. The dressing they have is regular unless you like light french (yuck!) so there is another whopping 10 points. My husband felt like he should share his dinner with me since I was only have a salad and her small half a quesadilla so he gave me his taco from the his pick 3 sooooo add 7 there. Then on the way out of the mall he says we have to get dessert at the only place in the eatery that sells sweets, the ice cream place. I am picky and only like vanilla soft serve. Add at least 4. All together that is about 36 points. That would be more than I am allowed in a day. Weekly allowance you say...HMMMMMMM...I used 12.5 yesterday and another 18 today. My week starts on Monday.

That's what they are there for you say. Yes true but not to use them on the first 2 days. Now I have no wiggle room for the rest of the week.

Ready here comes the silver lining and my pat on the back so I can smile and move forward. In the past I would be angry with myself. I would not track these days. I would even go as far as resetting my WI day to tomorrow and starting over with my week beginning on Wednesday. But guess what? I'm not gonna. I tracked (good girl), I owned it (good job putting the big girl pants on), I will cook at home and eat well the rest of the week since all is not lost. Another big pat on the back is that I got all my floors scrubbed and cleaned today and my house is really starting to shape up.

Tomorrow is grocery day so I am looking into getting some whey protein and berries so I can have a protein smoothie in the morning. I am looking for easy to make and eat on the go thigns for when I start work again on August 25. I used to hard boil eggs and have an egg on an english muffin. I am getting tired of that and thought about cereal but I can't eat that on the go so I will try a little shake. I will let you know how I like it. First day will be on Thursday.

I Fell

OFF THE WAGON but... Oh Well.

I can't dwell on the mistake of the weekend. I can say that there is no food log for Saturday, Sunday or Monday. I started out Monday pretty good but between the dentist and not getting anything done in the house I wound up eating a bit more than I should have. I ate 2 WW ice Creams and hummus and pita chips. Not too too bad but not great.

Ok now that is over...time to move on. I can say that I made a great choice on Sunday. I needed to get my grandmom's and parent's newspaper since they were out of town. I walked to my grandmom's and back and then to my parents. Granted my grandmom is only about a half a mile away and my parents are about 2 houses away. I would typically drive. The thing is I live in the country. I am talking walk on the white line and no shoulder kid of country. I asked my husband if I should take the baby but we decided no since it would not be safe. WHen she went for her nap, off I went. Great decision.

Today I was going to stop and get a latte after the dentist. Not too bad unless you are like my and only like full fat caramel latte. I seem to have no self control and I order the large. I told myself that this would only be my treat on grocery day. That would be Wednesday and not today. I decided that I would forego the latte and only have it on my shopping day. Good decision number 2.

Finally, I spent about an hour making a very pretty house cleaning checklist. I have read on fly lady and other various websites about homemanagement notebooks. I have always tried to make one. Problem, I am a perfectionist. I could have spent that hour cleaning and been done. I realized when I was in the shower that I have routines and there really is no need to make a cleaning list to go in a binder. Meal plan on Tuesday, grocery on Wednesday, Clean on Saturday, wash towels every 3 days, and do laundry when I need. Cook and clean up kitchen daily. So tomorrow my plan is to clean the house and not spend time organizing and planning how to clean the house. Lesson learned when the light bulb came on.

Salad not ALWAYS the Healthy Choice

So this is something that I know but...

I had another dentist appointment today for just a cleaning. I was still a little sore from yesterday's root canal. I have to have 3 wisdom teeth pulled so they asked if I wanted to do that on Monday and prepare my tooth for the crown today. Sure I said...Wrong...I was still so tender that when they started in on the tooth I was cringing. I am still sore but no where near as bad as yesterday.

My husband and I were supposed to go to the mall and dinner to get the baby her first pair of shoes. I am looking for a helpful shoe store to help find a pair that fits correctly. He had to work late (that is the story of his life). I have finally accepted that this will happen and I need to just have an alternate plan. I used to get bant out of shape but there is only room for one person to be gloomy so I decided to leave that to him. I am accepting what I can't change and that is his work and such. If he was home we would have done the mall, if not then I do other errands by myself.

Meredith and I went to run errands like getting containers to organize, going to BJ's, and Target. We debated all the way there where to eat dinner (well as much as a 1 year old can contribute). I decided on Ruby Tuesday since it is in the Target parking lot, not usually crowded, and has a salad bar... OOOOPPPPPPSSS, can't leave baby to go the salad bar. I ordered minis and fries for her so she would have fries and a club house salad for me. (Note to self--READ the whole description) It had baked chicken, bacon, tomatoes, and cheese. Had I thought about it, I would have said no tomato and no bacon. I could have taken some of the cheese off. As it were I mixed it all together and ate about 3/4 of it. I ate half of Meredith's minis but only about 2 of her fries.

One of the bad things about having a 1 year old is that you have to order her something but she does not eat it. I usually get myself a pasta dish and give her some of the noodles. Sometimes I do a burger and she gets some fries. She only gets fries when we are out. The nice thing is that I don't have to cart a bunch of food with me anymore. I can order her a little something. Next time I think I will get her and the minis and a side salad to share.

Root Canals, hobbies, and no counting

I did not count today. That was the least of my worries. I had a root canal this morning. I went into it thinking it was not bad, just a long process but like a filling. UHHH nope. The file broke in the curve of the root. They could not get it out. That's ok though since they were almost done and there was no infection. They irrigated really well with bleach and sealed me up. So now I have a piece of little tiny file in my tooth. Not to mention the place where they put that stupid thing on my tooth to keep it all dry hurts. It is generally just sore. I expected a little sore but not this sore. Yuck. I also I ate soup for lunch and not a great dinner but I was probably within points. I also had a nice bowl of peaches.

I also broke out my old hobby. My mom is going to a wedding for a cousin this weekend. She wanted my to make this for her. I have not done any quilling in about 2 years. I mean I have a baby and other hobbies. It takes awhile and I have trouble finding frames. I could frame them without glass but they get dirty and yucky that way. Oddly enough I have made these for a few wedding and a few babies but I have none for myself. Oh well. I enjoyed it and it has spurred me to get my hobby room in order.

This is a close up of one side. The bride can put her own picture in after the wedding.

I Binged

On fruit. I ate 3 bananas and a cup of frozen blueberries. Seriously this is what I call a binge. Hubby was supposed to work and be gone today and tonite. I had my day and evening all planned out. Smartone for dinner and working on the basement to organize. His work plans changed so I had to do the dinner thing. We wound up sharing a panini from the grocery store cafe. Now he has motorcycle racing on and I despise it so I am not working on the basement. UGH.... I was feeling a bit out of it and overwhelmed so I ate what I saw. That happened to be the 3 bananas on the counter.

Otherwise I did pretty good despite not making my own food. All of it was brought in. I know WW says you should eat all of your points. I am still a point range kinda girl. Right now I need to eat on the lower end which would be eating just my points or a few less. No weekly allowance. Well I used them today. I did realize this evening though that I will likely not have lunch tomorrow. I get a root canal at 10am so I will be numb and not so into eating at lunch time. I will make sure dinner is ready at 5 and just have that. I can have a soft yogure type snack in the afternoon if I need to.

Anyway...I was not nearly as productive as I wished today but I am getting there. I feel a bit better since I am finally doing something. I tried to take a picture of myself today and I cannot even stand it. I look miserable in pictures. I barely have any with my daughter. I look fat or sweaty. That is a whole nother problem. I sweat blowdrying my hair. This does not bode well for a decent hair style so I give up. I am hoping fall will help with that and I might not look like a drowned rat all the time.

Comfort Food Kinda Evening

So my husband is gone for a few days. He will be here for lunch tomorrow and then gone again. Usually when he is not here for dinner and our routine and schedule are thrown off, I eat cheese and crackers or chips and cheese or some other bad for me snack food. I overeat and make that "dinner." I mean, why not, I am all by myself, I can get back on track when our routine is back, It's just one night... See the problem.

Tonite I compromised. I had comfort food. Smartone mac and cheese, fried squash, and Tyson Chicken Fingers. My intention was to only eat half the box of chicken fingers but I ate it all minus the 2 I gave Meredith. The squash was fried yes but I only had about 10 slices and I only lightly breaded them. The Mac and Cheese was WW and only 5 points. Granted I maxed on points today but...I counted and I did not resort to total crap. I have already planned for tomorrow night so I am prepared.

I still spent a bit too much time in the chair today. I even took a nap when Meredith took one. We did take a walk but that was about it. Not a bad day as far as days go but not stellar.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can

Can I lose weight? All signs point to yes!

1. I have done this twice before with wonderful results.
2. I have a beautiful daughter who needs a healthy Mommy.

3. I can cook really tasty pretty healthy meals and I enjoy cooking.
4. I live on a street that I can walk and push my baby without worrying about traffic.

5. I have done a little planning.

As I was taking my walk today I realized that I have lost weight before when my life was more hectic and out of control. I think that actually helped since I got ubber organized to cope so here I am trying to get organized. I did realize that there is nothing holding me back but me.

As I was blow drying my hair I realized that I am wacky when it comes to exercise. If I cannot do it before my shower, I won't. I hate to sweat and I sweat just thinking about being hot. I mean buckets. I don't like to take more than 1 shower a day so I tend to not exercise if I can't fit it on before a shower. Waking up before dawn is not really an option for this non morning person. Therefore....I must learn to just exercise when I can. If this means a change of clothes or a quick shower then so be it. I might not sweat so bad when I a thinner. I also have the motivation to get more steps than my husband. Nintendo DS Personal Trainer Walking. I really want to be number 1 on that thing but he walks so much at work. When I go back to work Aug 25 I can get more steps.

Finally...I bought a Pandora bracelet. I used to have a Zopini but people bought me charms and I filled 2. None had the meaning that I wanted for achievements. I rarely wear it anymore. When I went to the jeweler today to get my watch I looked at the Pandora bracelets and used my birthday money to buy one with 3 charms. One is a little girl to remind me of why I am doing this. One is my daughter's birth month and one is mine. I have looked at the catalog and picked a few charms for milestones. My first will be when I lose my 10%. I will get another when I get my house in order and keep it that way. Another for exercising at least 5 days a week for 2-3 months. My goal weight is a charm with a heart and key just like the key chain WW gives. I am very excited about adding to my bracelet for achievements.

MIA, Lazy or Distracted

I have been MIA lately. Not only have I retreated from blogging but I have retreated from message boards as well. I felt like I was spending too much time on message boards. I was neglecting my duties at home. For the past week or so I have discovered fun games on Facebook. Farkle is so addicting. Seriously I think these things are sucking life out of people. SO now I will to avoid games on facebook or only allow myself a reasonable time.

That would be where lazy or distracted comes in. I need to clean, do schoolwork before the school year starts, diet, exercise, and organize my scrapbook stuff. I do none of it. I watch my daughter play. I don't get on the floor with her much since my tooth starts to hurt. (My root canal is Thursday so that should take care of it.) She takes at least one 2 hour nap everyday and I play on the computer. I would not call me lazy since I am not sitting on the couch like a slug but I am so distracted. I used to smoke and I would say things like if I get X done, I can smoke. Now I just don't get started.

So that brings me to my current predicament. I have topped out at 250 lbs. I am miserable. I am not taking a lot of pride in my appearance since I do not feel good. I hate to see pictures of myself and I get sweaty just changing my daughter. I try to get myself on track and I do well for a couple days. I get a little craving for something crappy and I eat it, overeat it even. I then feel totally disgusting.

Saturday was my birthday and now I figure this is a good time to recommit. New month, new "year," and new week. I am trying to get my week together and clean and get all I need to do done. I will schedule some time on for blogging and games.

Visual Food Log

I see a lot of people using visual food logs. I think this would be fun and really motivating. I have to keep myself from getting caught up in making it look pretty. It would also make me plan out my food and then sit down to eat it. Right now I make a wrap and eat it while I tend to the baby, then I might grab some carrots, and before I know it I have gotten out the cheese and cracker sleeve and finished both off. Taking a picture of it would force me to put it on a plate and then eat.

I was very good for the first few days of vacation. Everytime I wanted to overindulge someone would say, "It's vacation..." I finally stopped tracking and gave in. My husband realized what a problem I have when we were talking and I told him I felt bad about what I ate. He said "You only had a hot dog when we got back. That is not too bad." I had to tell him the UGLY truth. I ate dinner with him out (stuffed shrimp) then when we got home there were hot dogs and hamburgers being grilled. I had 2 or 3 hot dogs as well as a hamburger. He just looked at me. I think he has finally realized that I have a problem with binging. I did it again yesterday at the church brunch. A total or 3 hot dogs, 2 servings of eggs, and 5 sausage links. I ate a few donut holes too.

Hence the reason I say...a visual food log may be a good idea. It would force me to think about what I am eating before I do so. Might be fun too. I am looking forward to it. I will likely post it on the linked blog about what I ate but I might feature a meal or 2 here. I just need to approach this like I did quitting smoking. One day at a time no matter what.

Cheesin in the sand

We went out to the beach early this morning. Meredith's Daddy wanted to take a dip in the ocean and I decided it would be a nice time to introduce her to the sand and water. Neither one of us was in a bathing suit. I am not big on a dirty baby. Maybe tomorrow I will brave my suit. Meredith thought that the water was great fun to splash in. She sat in her tent and played for a bit too. We did not put on sunscreen so we only stayed out for about 10 minutes. Later we walked around Cape May and she had sunscreen all over then.

I have to say that seeing recent pictures of myself really spurs me into action. YUCK! This is not so bad since the cute baby detracts. I have done well here with the exception of my water. I am not worrying too much about that part since I don't want to run ot the potty too much. It is too hectic here.

At the Beach

I haven't posted for a couple of days. Mostly I was unpacking and dealing with a rather poopy baby. She had belly issues and I am not sure why. Either it was a little bug or the new yogurt. I stopped the yogurt for a few days to see. She is improving but I still packed at least 2 outfits for everyday here at the beach. My mom helped my unpack a couple days ago so we are moving along. Not as fast as I want but there is progress. Now I am at the beach with 2 other families in a big house for a week.

We left for the beach today. Ed and I packed last night at 11pm. Crazy huh? That is how we do it. It was fine and we only forgot a few little things. The stuff we forgot was stuff you could not pack ahead like fridge stuff. Oh well...Over priced beach grocery store here we come.

I used a few of my allowance today since we stopped at Cheeseburger in Paradise for lunch. I wanted the big burger with all the fixxings but I got 2 mini burgers with a salad. I felt like it was a great compromise and I really enjoyed it. The dressing was great. We were supposed to have pizza when we got here but instead my friend grilled flank steak. I could not be rude although it is not something I would choose to eat under different circumstances. I had a little of everything and was fine.

Overwhelmed

To say I am overwhelmed would be an understatement. We moved when I had about 2 weeks left of work. I finished out the school year with only a couple rooms in the house put together and a bunch of stuff in storage. We got the stuff out of storage the day after school ended. That was Saturday. To date most of it is still piled up in my living room. This is the first room you see when you walk in the door or when you go the potty. AHHHHHH... Between taking care of my daughter and getting other stuff done I have not gotten to unpack any of it. Every time my mother comes over she comments on it. My anxiety just continues to climb.

On a brighter note...I insisted on going through my clothes as I moved them toward where they needed to be. That way I could put them where they belonged as opposed to piling them up in space bags and crates. My mother thought I should put them in spare room and deal with them later. Well... I went through them today and I found 2 bags with clothes in my size. A couple with clothes too small but now I have shirts to wear on vacation. I called mom and said na na na na na na. Now I have a pile of clothes to go to good will. I think I will take them to the local mental institution.

So here I am typing on my blog when I should be unpacking. Hubby is going to a race track with his motorcycle tomorrow (in NJ-3 hours away). He is coming back tomorrow night. We will pack on Friday to leave for vacation (in NJ-3hours away) for a week on Saturday. My house will still be a mess when I return. Needless to say I am not a happy puppy.

Good thing is I have remained on points for 3 days straight. We ate a quick dinner on the way to my brothers this evening. I planned ahead and ate only what I planned. I was well within my points today. My daughter has diarrhea and yet I remained on points and made good food choices. I am irritated with my husband and yet I did not binge. I am totally anxious about the house but I did not eat all the crackers and cheese in the fridge. There have been a couple times when I wanted to eat but I said to myself, "You do not want to remain this weight and that food will not help." Seriously I feel like I am quitting smoking all over again.

I had a good day

Yesterday was a good day. I did not get a thing done in the house. While the baby was down for her nap I dwadled on the computer. I just cannot get motivated to unpack and shuffle boxes. I think it is because I have a sore back.

I did, however, make good food choices. I went to a friends house for dinner. Her husband had made chicken breast on the grill and pasta. I took a cup of pasta only. She offered me cookies and such for dessert but I had a banana. I also put baby in the stroller and took a walk. It was great. I had a little more energy yesterday since I was not overeating at every turn.

Well DAMN

Ok so I have not done well. I am currently up to 249 as of this morning. It just makes me want to cry. I binged last night at a friends house for her daughter's first birthday. They had little slider burgers. I ate like 5. I had about 2 and a half pieces of cake. BLAH... I did however look into onoline meetings for Overeaters anonymous today. I am not sure if I will "attend" one but it is an option to get some support and see if I really have a problem.

On the home front!
We have moved. We settled on May 27. On May 28 we had carpet removed and hardwood installed. During installation the contractors found rotting floors in one bedroom. Turns out there was a slow leak from the chimney. (No cricket was ever installed but don't ask what one is) The wall is also rotten. We are missing a few studs as well as the joist the studs sit on. This is costing us about $2775 to fix.

Meredith has been sick since we moved in. After about 4 days of sniffling, sneezing, runny eyes, snot all over, and waking at night...we went to the Doctor for allergy medicine. He took one look at her and said it looked like allergy. My theory- we moved into the woods and we were outside more often. The previous owners had a cat. The house has been vacant for a year. We tore up carpet thus dispersing massive amounts of dust. She had been playing on the floor in the sunroom where there is no AC and the windows were opened to let the pollen settle in the carpet. It was just too much on her little system. Her daddy and grandmom (my mom) both have hayfever. Poor baby...The deck was stacked against her. She is on Zyrtec now and has Pantanol eye drops. She is still a little congested but no where near what it was.

School ended and now I have time to start getting this house together. There are boxes and stuff piled in the living room. We have no furniture for there so it became a catchall. Unfortunately seeing it all the time overwhelmes me and here I sit typing. So many life shanges really made this a tough year.

My broken record

Things are basically the same as they were last post. My pastor said this morning in church that one thing needed to find peace of mind is letting past mistakes go. I feel like this is an area that I am having difficulty with. I figure that I messed up last week so I am doomed and when I mess up again it is to be expected. I do this with more than eating. I mean why get off the couch or do my work... See a pattern. I think that all this negative thinking is really making my depressed. The sermon talked a lot more about finding peace of mind. I really took a lot away although I am not able to quote it. More of a feeling that I left with. One of hope. So I deleted all of my previous weight history on the blog and we are going to move forward from here.

On the home front...we have a contract on our townhouse. We have completed home inspections on both homes. There are a few repairs for this one. I am calling repair people tomorrow to move that along. There was less that I anticipated. I guess I am harder on things than the inspector. After repairs are complete, we have home appraisals and then we are good to go. At this point settlement looks like it will be May 26 in the evening. I have mixed emotions. I am excited on one hand and nervous on the other. I think it will be easier to clean and manage a bigger house since things will not be a crammed or cluttered. I am nervous about the payment but I have to have something to worry about.

My little baby has grown so much. She is crawling everywhere and is such a delight. I want to get moving myself so I can keep up with her and play a little easier. I get tired now and that needs to change.

It's been a long time

Well here I am at 4am. I start anew again today for the 100th time. I feel like I do this every week. It only lasts a few days and then I fall apart. I am eating to handle any emotion. The key there is any. I used to smoke and now I eat. The weight just keeps climbing and I am bigger than I have ever been. I am so unhappy that I have to do something.

Since I was here last there have been a couple developments. We are buying a new house. We put a contract on a wonderful home with a lot of room. We must have ours on the market by Wednesday. We have spent the better part of the last 4 or 5 days packing up clutter and moving it to storage. We cleaned, patched, and generally made the house show ready. Our realtor comes tomorrow to take pictures. This is probably why I am up at 4 in the morning unable to sleep.

What does this have to do with weight loss? Well for one I have been stressed and busy so we ate out just about every evening during this house buying/preparing time. Second, our mortgage will be almost $1000 more and I won't be able to afford to eat. I cannot binge eat or go out to eat nearly as much. I am going to have to plan my meals carefully and grocery shop carefully so I can manage our money.

I feel like I am saying all this over and over every few days on this blog. I know when I quit smoking it took many tries. 100th time is the charm. I just need to recall a story from church this morning. A woman sees an old man on the front porch of his home and he looked so happy. She went to him and asked why he was so happy and what was his secret. He said, "I smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day, drink a gallon of whiskey a week, eat fast food and doritos for every meal, and I never exercise." She was amazed and asked him how old he was. He responded "26." The moral of the story happiness can not come from these things alone and needs to be found elsewhere.

Not a Stellar day

I know where I went wrong. It is amazing that once you start a binge you have trouble stopping yourself. I had to buy a cake for a coworker's birthday so I bought a cookie cake. I had 2 pieces. I thought on the way home that I would just exercise and move on from that. Hubby was home when I got home so he was downstairs. Instead of kicking him out of the basement and making him take the little one, I played with her, fed, her, and then cooked dinner. I ate dinner and then decided I needed cheese and crackers. I had a serving or 6...I just kept eating.

I know where I went wrong and tomorrow is another day. I can work on those things then. It will not be another 61.5 point day. I can move forward from a bad day when I do not think in terms of weeks. I would typically just do whatever I want until Sunday or Monday and start over then. I am learning to start over now.

Accomplishments and Days not Weeks

So today was a snow day. Yippee for snow. I started the day off very productive which was my goal. I made egg and sausage cups for breakfast for the remainder of the week. I also made a batch of green beans for Meredith. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I sat down to get some work done and realized it was about time for Meredith to have lunch so I woke her. She had been asleep for 3 hours so I really felt she needed to be up. I changed poopy diapers and fed her lunch. She proceeded to go right back to sleep. Ok, great...I went out and shoveled the driveway. There's my exercise. Then I came in to shower and dry my hair. This is where I screwed up. I dropped the soap (baby still asleep), I dropped the hair dryer (baby still asleep), I dropped my brush (baby still asleep), I accidentally let the cabinet door slam...I see little eyes peering at me when I walked into the hallway. She stayed awake the remainder of the day. SHe would fuss on and off so I really was not able to get anything more done before I needed to make dinner. Oh well. I am proud of what I accomplished.

Now I have been tracking this journey or at least trying to track it in terms of weeks. This is just not working for me. When I mess up I figure I might as well start over next week. I can;t keep doing that so no more weeks for me, only days. I will think in terms of days. I will look at the weekly part only for the weekly allowance, which I am trying not to use. I will also still weigh in officially once a week. I might weigh more when the mood strikes me. So there it is. I will update the food journal as I have time but I am not going to stress about it.

Why Take Data

Recently I have become more aware of the "data" that we collect at school as well as home. I have started to wonder if we really use it appropriately. I have heard teachers in the past look at a classes unit test and say, "Wow, half failed. These kids just don't study/get it/pay attention..." It makes me wonder why we don't look at the data and say, "Wow half the kids failed, I really need to try something different to reach this group." I am guilty of this too. I collect data for the alternate assessment and IEPs and then I put it in folders. If the kids don't acheive mastery then I do more skill and drill. I don't use any variety of teaching techniques or try to teach the concept a different way.

This really came to light yesterday evening when my younger cousin came to school to hang out and look at my resources while I was working in the evening to have today off. She was looking at an Informal Reading Inventory and asked if I do running records. She is currently in school and teaching provisionally at a nonpublic school for ED kids. I said not really (as I thought to myself, I probably should do them occasionally). She said that she did and I asked her what she did with them. She said nothing really, just put them in the kids file and work on some of the things they had trouble with. I cautioned her that we should always have our data inform instruction. Of course I need to practice what I preach.

On the topic of data...I do the same thing at home. I write down spending and keep a detailed record of spending. I don't change my spending habits or estimated budget based on it. I barely look at it once it is on the spreadsheet. I can't even say that I follow the estimated budget. I am starting to realize that it does no good if I do nothing with it. Keeping a record of what I eat is also the same way. I can see the pattern. I do well for a week and then fall off the wagon. I really need to look at what is going on and make changes based on the data.

So the moral of the story...Data needs to be used and not just taken for the sake of taking it. I am working this weekend on getting my plans written for school using my data that I currently have. I am also working on getting additional data that will be useful. For the month of March I am going to track what I spend. I can then look at the spending and write my budget for April based on that. I can then try and follow it.

WW Site yelled at me

So I lost 6 pounds this week. It is really my first week and I made some big changes to my eating habits. It is also the week before my period so that makes my weight drop....Yeah I know I am odd.

This morning I woke up nauseous again. I have thrown up twice. So not fun. Taking care of baby while sick really sucks.

Not too bad

Not too great. I used all of my weekly allowance points but it was really for treats. I used 7 today since hubby was so sweet and decided to bring me a full fat latte. I had one as a treat this morning when I weent to breakfast by myself so I was really not having another today. I could not act ungrateful since he was so proud of himself for bringing me a treat. I accepted and I will mention it later that I am only doing a once a week latte treat.

I made good food choices pretty much all week. Today I was peckish this afternoon. I ate a few crackers and peanut butter which sent me over the edge on points. I need to make sure that I am not eating when I am restless. I was restless today.

Tomorrow is a new week and a new day. I will be weighing in tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Pitfalls and Solutions

Okay so I know I said I was starting anew on Saturday but I have since reset that to Monday. I would love to reset it again but I won't. I will take the plethora of points I earned yesterday and today and deal with it.

Over the weekend I did very well on Saturday. I remained on track and I was so very proud.
Sunday was a little disastrous. We went to a soup and salad luncheon at church for $8 a piece to benefit the Women's Retreat. I got Maryland Crab soup made by my mom. I then had to feed baby. I fed her which was not easy since I was using her car seat as a chair. I ate my soup while giving her a bottle after he green beans. Hubby and my dad ate salads... When I was finally done feeding her, I asked hubby to take her since he was done eating (including his dessert.) I went to get salad and there was NONE left. Oh no. Oh well I will be fine. SOLUTION: Get a plate of food first and then feed baby so at least I have something to eat.

We were due at my brother's for his kids birthdays at 6:30 that evening. We decided to get sushi on the way home so we would not have to cook and be pressed for time. I ate mine early at like 3:00 since lunch was only a small bowl of soup. We get to my brother's and they have snacks and cake like birthday stuff out. Chips, pretzels, homemade rice krispy treats, and chex mix. I ate about 5-6 krispy treats and a bowl of ice cream. Why...Well there was nothing else to nosh on. SOLUTION: Take a container with veggies and a little dip to share. I mean really who does not have veggies at a family gathering.

On to Monday, where I start out wonderfully. My friend and I decided to have lunch out so we picked a place. I got online and found nutritional information and decided what I should eat. It was not the best but if I took the Chicken Artichoke sandwich off the bread then it would not be too bad. It was only half a sandwich and half a salad. Not bad right. Well...I eat then I need to feed the baby. I gave her the peas that I brought and then her bottle. While I was giving her the bottle I started picking at the bread from my sandwich. When the waiter came and asked if I was done, I said no. AWWWW Damn...SOLUTION: Choose only a regular salad with chicken and bring my own dressing if they do not have a light dressing I like.

On to today...I did well all day. I came home and was a little anxious that I had a lot to do and I saw those 3 Hershey bars that I forgot to give the Daycare ladies. Guess what? I ate all three. Uck. I made a box freezer type meal that was 12 points itself so I am very over. SOLUTION: Only buy little things for people that are not food. If it is food then give it right away by putting it in the bag that will go to that location. A boxed meal is okay on evenings like this when I am off to get a hair cut or something like that.

As a side note...A coworker who has gone to the other side with her eating...I mean very strict and restrictive...was giving a $25 gift card to Outback/Carraba's. She said she was giving it away. I said I was sure there was something there she could eat. She said she only eats at Ruby Tuesday where she can get a salad at the salad bar since anywhere else is too tempting. Wow I guess it is okay for her but I want to learn how to eat in the real world. I can't totally cut myself off from gatherings and restaurants.

Binges and Rantings Toward a New Beginning

I haz them...eating, spending, internet...You name it and I am doing it in excess. The only things I have not picked back up would be smoking and drinking. I figure they might do more harm to my family than I am willing to inflict.

I have gone to stores and spent money on things that I really don't need. I have been eating with wild abandon. I am on the internet nonstop when I am not changing the little girl or taking care of some other need of hers. I actually cannot wait to get back to the computer so I can check facebook or any other random board I happen to be on at the time.

There are many things that I could randomly rant about right now but I think that would be really boring for anyone reading. Things like...

• I am going on vacation in June and I am fat, fat, fat. I don't really want to go since it is with 2 other families. I have resigned myself to some good books and time with my daughter. Hubby will likely be dragged out with the boys.
• Clothing...I hate it. I wear nothing but jeans since I have nothing that fits. I refuse to buy anything since I will lose. I don't look professional and it makes me sad.
• I have no energy.
• I coteach and there are things happening in other classrooms that I think are not in best practice. (ie not enough structure, no clear plans or direction, and not enough variety in instruction.) Problem is how can I be critical of other classrooms when I am not performing up to par in my own room. I would not want me as my child's teacher in my current state.
• I am behind on everything and I feel totally disorganized.
• I feel like I am unhappy right now and in a funk but I am having trouble pulling myself out of it. I want a bigger house and I feel closed in here.
• I am miserable about my weight and the funk I am in so I eat to cope.

Okay enough of that. I bet you were wondering if it would ever end.

On Wednesday I chatted with a friend that happened to be a nutritionist. We were talking about diet and I was telling her that I have been having trouble with binge eating and new motherhood and stress. (Of course she was not amused given that the baby was sound asleep the wntire time we stood in the grocery store chatting. I have an easy baby.) She said she often does not suggest a low carb diet but it might be the kick start that I need. I have done South Beach before. The biggest problem I have is that it makes packing lunch a little more involved.

When I came home I looked at my journals and looked into the new WW filling foods thing. SO basically that is a little on the low carb side. My meals are carbs for breakfast (waffles and lite syrup), carbs for lunch in the form of a sandwich, and then a carb for dinner. HMMMMMMM...Maybe there is something to this whole limiting carbs thing. Maybe if I work on that and level out my blood sugar (my mother has type 2 diabeties as did my grandmother) I will not be as tired and run down.

SOOOOO here are the new rules for my low carb/WW diet. (I must have rules and guidelines since I feel better when there is structure.)

1. Remain within my points. If I have a little slip during the day then I need to have a salad for dinner.
2. No carbs or very limited for breakfast and lunch. Only a small serving of carbs with dinner. (no more adding extra pasta as a filler)
3. Drink a coffee in the morning, one soda at work, one with lunch, and one on the way home. have a glass of soda with dinner but otherwise all water or tea. Sodas are caff free and diet and so is the tea. Not sure if limiting carbonation makes a difference but hey why not.
4. Dinner out every other week. If I don't feel like cooking then make a simple chicken topped salad.
5. No stopping at the grocery store. One shopping trip a week!

Okay so this starts tomorrow. Wish me luck. I will be back since I am hoping that this accountability will help. I can tell you I have not wanted to come post all of this since I felt bad about it. I have been forming this post in my head for over a week.

Time management

I suck. Really I just spent about and hour and a half on message boards when I need to balance the checkbook, plan lessons, and make materials. Little one is asleep here on the couch so I cannot say that it was her that kept me from getting my work done.

This will be one of my goals for next week. That and exercise. I am actually eating well this week and I feel good about my food choices.

Back on track

I was back on track with my eating today. I also got a lot done at work. It felt wonderful to achieve things today. There were a few things that I put on the back burner to make time for web surfing but I can schedule them in tomorrow. I need to make sure that I get back on the exercise wagon.

I am hoping for snow tomorrow so everyone do a snow dance with me. I would like a day home. I am so very tired.

Step AWAY from the food

I cannot say that I had a good week. I did very well for a couple days and ate what I should eat. I had 2 great days as snow days. I had a late start on Thursday but I felt the need to eat crap. Hubby and I ate out on Wednesday and Thursday night. Not good. I was a little stressed at work but also feeling good since I was getting my work done.

Fast forward to today. I got all my cleaning done this morning. Baby slept for 3 hours this morning and 2 and a half this afternoon. I had to wake her for lunch and dinner. She is a sleepy little thing right now. I was avoiding work and really wanted to go out and about. I resisted the urge to go shopping at Babies R us. I am pretty proud of that. Here it comes...Wait for it... I then went into the kitchen and made coleslaw for dinner tomorrow night. (We are having my parents over for dinner and the Super Bowl.) While there I happen to glancec at the family size bag of chips that I bought ot have with dinner since my dad has to have chips with everything. I am sure you have already guessed what is next...

I ate the entire BAG. I then logged on the WW and realized that I spiraled out of control when I stopped journaling on Wednesday. I have not listed anything on the blog since then either. I put the chips in, ordered Sushi for dinner, and I will brush myself off and get back on the horse. I have already planned what I will be eating tomorrow.

Snow Days

I love snow days but...I am so lazy. Well not totally lazy. I have been getting school work done. I dumped all of my USB drives and disks onto the computer and I am getting it all together based on subject and area. This is something I needed to do and I am finding so many useful ideas and things I did not realize I had.

I did not however exercise. It is amazing the excuses I can come up with when I am home all day.

• I can't exercise after I eat.
• I need to shower.
• The baby might need something.
• I am working on stuff that is more important.

I waited for Ed before I cooked dinner. This was certainly a mistake since then I was hungry and munched on crackers and peanut butter and cream cheese with him. I know that I need to stick to my routine even when I am off. If that means dinner without him then so be it.

Otherwise things went well for a snow day. I got some stuff done and I delat with a teething baby. She is not too bad just not totally herself either.

What a good day

I can say with confidence that last week was not a good one. I was not feeling good about myself nor did I make good decisions. I did however, document everything I ate on the blog and on WW online. I also posted a blog entry almost every night. And I exercised many evenings.

Today I did well. I ate only what I was suppossed to. I also walked past the Krispy Kreme donuts in the media center 3 times without taking one. I went into the office and past the M&Ms about 3 times and never took one. I was in the assistant Principal's office and looked at her jar of Milky Way and did not take one. I stayed in my room during the staff pot luck lunch and worked while I ate my lunch from home. I did not give into temptation.

I was actually quite proud of myself and my choices today. I know that avoiding the staff luncheon sounds extreme but I was soooo not feeling social. I stayed in my classroom and took the time to get some work done. I do not feel so behind and hopeless now.

I weighed in this morning at home and it was not good news. I think this had to do with my bad choices over the weekend. I can remedy that this week by remaining on points. The hardest thing lately has been water consumption. I drink soda all day. Caffeine free, diet but still soda. I need to work on drinking water or non carbonated beverages so I can see if it makes a difference.

Stress and food

I eat when I am stressed. Not only do I eat but I eat crap. Well not total crap but definitely more stuff than I needed.

I have a case at work that is irritating me. I feel like I have given my professional opinion as have others and it is not being listened to. I understand the desire to have your child do something other than we are suggesting but I feel for this child. I think he will be overwhelmed and it just makes me sad. I feel so stuck. When I went to talk to the assistant Principal about my feelings I immediately opened her cookie jar and ate 2 milky ways. Why? because I am anxious about the whole situation.

Then I am feeling like a horrible teacher right now. I have not been getting the planning I need to do done so I am flying by the seat of my pants. I am getting done what needs to be done but barely and not in a very good fashion. My assistants do more teaching than I do. I spend my planning on message boards and checking out the Internet.

I think some of it is a transition from just me to me and baby. She is the best little baby that I could ever hope for. She sleeps all evening since she does not sleep at daycare. This afternoon I exercised and then cooked dinner. I made mac and cheese and ate about 15 points worth. It was tasty but I think I buried my anxiety in comfort food. I then spent about 45 minutes playing on the computer. I just need to learn some time management.

The one thing that I can say is that when I dieted a few years ago when I was overwhelmed and very anxious, I got ultra organized. I think it helps me to have control over everything that I can. I am able to let go of things I do not have control over. For instance, I am cooking at home more since I made 5 weeks of meal plans. I also made corresponding shopping lists. That has helped that. I need to make a routine for the week of what I need to get done. I think this will allow me to have that one or 2 nights that I can scrapbook or cross stitch.

This has become a very long winded post. I have a lot to do over the next few days. Kids have a half day tomorrow and I can use that time to play catch up and plan. I have no kids on Monday so I can get some work done then to. I plan on putting my headphones on and ignoring everyone.

I got it all done

It is 8 pm and I have gotten everything done I wanted to do this evening. Wow. It is always rough when you work and need to fit everything onto a few hours in the evening. Ok not a few hours but you get the point.

I came home and unloaded the dishwasher while baby watched from her highchair. Made her cereal and fed her while checking message boards. I exercised using My Fitness Coach on the Wii for 15 minutes. Little Miss cooperated and played on the floor until the last 5 minutes. She fussed but as long as I made faces she was fine until the end. I put her to sleep and then cooked dinner. After cleaning the kitchen here I am. It is so nice to be done early.

I am so sore from exercising. I did not really notice it through the day but this evening was really bad. When I get up from the couch my legs scream.

As an aside. I feel like I am not doing the best that I can do in the classroom or at home with my daughter. This is in part due to my addiction to forums and facebook. I am trying to limit the amount of time I spend on them. It is so hard since it is much better than working.

My Fitness Coach

I worked out today. My legs are killing me now but at least I did it. I am not sure how I can arrange my evening to be sure I can work out and still eat at a reasonable hour. Meredith and I got home at 4:15ish. I fed her and then we sat together on the couch until she fell asleep. I put her in her crib and then went to workout on the Wii. I got in about 30 minutes. I was unloading the dishwasher when she woke up. Then I had to juggle her and cooking dinner. She is a good baby so she sat and played in her high chair and watched me cook. Even so, dinner was not until 7:30. I just have to figure out how to tweak my afternoon routine to get the workout in and get dinner cooked.

The Wii Fit is a good workout but really can get monotonous. I bought My Fitness Coach after reading some of the reviews online and on the WW website. It is a basically a DVD workout that adjusts based on answers from you on how you are doing. If you say that a sectionw as no sweat she makes it harder next time. I can honestly say that I can feel my workout from today in my legs. I did 15 minutes of the My Fitness Coach and then I did a 10 minute Free run with the Wii fit game. That is putting the remote in your pocket and running in place or around the room.

I feel like I really accomplished something today by working out. Oh boy that was one of my tasks for today. I was supposed to give myself credit. Way to go me. I also ate everything sitting down. I read my reasons this morning and once at work.

Tomorrow my goal for The Beck DIet is to eat slow and be mindful. This is really tough for me. I might have to take a few days on this one. I eat very fast. I always have. Really it is like I inhale and it is gone. Someone must have stolen my food as a child because I eat like someone will take it. When I had my daughter it got even worse. I would eat really fast so that if she cried i could attend to her and not have to worry about dinner getting cold. My husband, on the other hand, takes forever to eat. Not sure how I am going to accomplish this goal but I am certainly going to give it my all.

New Site address

Just a heads up that I changed the site address. It was too long for me to type when I wanted to use it for anything.

It is now http://susanteaches.blogspot.com/

Caramel Latte Damn Starbucks

I had 33.5 points today when I should not go over 31. That means I am using my weekly allowance. Oh well, 2.5 of my weekly allowance is not bad. There were times in the past when I would use all of them in a night. Whoa. I know what the problem is.

Meredith had her 6 month appointment today and I was going past the Safeway. She was zonked out so I took her and slipped into the Safeway to get the WW yogurt they did not have the other day. Of course there is Starbucks calling my name. I went and got a venti caramel latte. I considered the smaller one but where is the fun in that. Sad to say that I did nto really enjoy it. I enjoy the latte that I get at my regular grocery store. SOLUTION: I can only get a latte when I am doing the regular shopping on Friday afternoon. If I am in Safeway getting something else then I need to remind myself that I am getting that treat on Friday.

As far as the Beck diet goes my tasks were to:
Eat 100% sitting down (done)
Read ny list of reasons to lose weight (done)

I only read my list of reasons once today and I think I would be better served if I read them before each meal or rough patch in the day.

Tomorrow's tasks are to eat everything sitting down, read my list of reasons, and New skill: give myself credit for something that I do during the day. This is a big one since most of the time I focus on how I have to give up stuff and I ate something I should not have or I was "bad." This will be a hard skill.

Before Pictures

So here they are...My before pictures. I am about 6 foot tall so I can have a little more weight and not look totally disgusting. Of course I can barely stand to look in the mirror. I weight *gasp* 241 lbs. My measurements are....Best left for another day.

I topped out at 280 when I had my daughter and I was back to my prepregnancy weight within a couple weeks. That was 235. Since then I have gained 5 or so lbs. I have 4 pairs of jeans that fit and not dress pants. I wear jeans every day to work and try to look as professional as I can. I just feel yucky.

My Reasons to Start

This is the reason that I am trying to get my health and weight on track. I am so afraid that my bad eating habits will be passed to this little one. I need to get them under control before she starts to really be influenced by what I am doing.

Right now I feel so out of control. I am eating with wild abandon, I spend way too much time on the internet, I am not effectively managing my time, and I am generally stressed.

I realize that I have a million and one excuses. I keep resetting the starting date on WW online. Every time I eat something I shouldn't I reset my weigh in date and say, I will start tomorrow. That gives me permission to eat whatever for the remainder of the day. A few days later I do the same thing again.

My hope is that this blog and using some of the cognitive behavior therapy techniques in The Beck Diet Solution will help. This is the last time I will say "I start tomorrow!"

So far I have completed days one and two of the program. I listed all of my advantages for losing weight. I put them with a picture of my number on reason and posted one in the bathroom, one in the kitchen, one on the front door, and one in my purse. This is something that I am supposed to read a few times a day too remind myself of why I am doing this. I also committed to WW. If that does not work I will resort to the South Beach diet.

For tomorrow Day 3...I am to eat eerything sitting down. This will cut down on mindless eating. For instance, I often walk through the front office at school. I stop at the secretary's desk and get a handful of Reese's pieces or M&Ms that she keeps there. I am eating and walking and talking. Before I know it I have eaten a couple handfuls or more.

I know I can do this. It is not like I am even hungry. I am armed with my advantagee cards and a meal plan for the week.